Guess who is back🤟

Hey guys, I've been away for some time? Yeah!

A few months actually. A few emotionally draining months. We are already months into this year so, will it be out of place to wish you a happy new year? HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Incase you aren't excited to hear from me as soon as you opened this website, please close this post,  reopen it after a minute and show excitement for Chris-sake. 

During these months, I was totally offline from all social media platforms and honestly, I felt bad during the first and second week I guess. But from the third, I started to slowly adapt. 

Few weeks later on, I could testify that life without social media is actually great. I mean social media is great as it enables a platform for making friends, keeping good and bad relationships, entertainment, getting information as nowadays, people within my age bracket and younger hardly listen to news on television talk less of on a radio. That doesn't mean one can’t live happily if not happier without social media. Let’s start with the money I saved from not buying data. Damn! I can’t believe I have been enriching network providers when I am actually broke.

crying in white and black

Aside discovering that life without social media is actually possible, I also discovered that I do not have up to five friends. Yeah! Not only does it sound really sad. It is actually sad that not up to five people I call friends called my number to know if I was still in existence. Heavens forbid but, assuming I was in trouble or worst still dead, nobody will notice my absence until let’s say my family breaks the news. I’m sure in less than twelve hours, my pictures will be on different platforms with the so called friends elaborating on how tight our friendship was.

 I was angry because as a phone addict I was, I always noticed whenever someone on my contact goes MIA for a few days and, made it as a point of duty to call the person to know what’s up.

After reflecting on the possible reason(s) why not up to five people checked up on me, I realized it could be possible I haven’t been a really good friend to up to five people. Shame! 

I mean I know I'm a nice person and all but, it could be because of my commitment issues. I have always been scared of getting really close to someone talk less of people ever since my best friend in junior secondary school joined my other classmates to taunt me because of my signature skin haircut then. The skin on my skull is actually some shades lighter than the skin on my face so, my bald head could be sighted from afar. She joined them to taunt and draw images with indelible marker on my bald head. 

I went home, cried terribly, scrubbed off the marker images on my head and burnt the idea of friendship.(I also burnt my obviously fake best friend alive although I did the burning in my head).

Burn motherf*cker

Asides my boyfriend who doubles as my best friend, I hardly make any effort to keep friends.Although when I'm with my friends, we laugh, gist, have lengthy conversations on plans but, almost every time, that ends there because, I find it extremely difficult or even a mission impossible to return calls, reply people’s messages, prefer to stay indoors all day with my phone than going out with people, hardly visit people and dislike people visiting me, hide when I see someone I'm familiar with in a crowd just because I don’t fancy exchanging pleasantries with them(I know this is really ugly).

 I have no dark secrets but, the few secrets or, ‘not secret worthy but really personal’ information about myself, I share them with nobody.

I know it seems like it but, I'm not a fake friend. I'm happy when my friends achieve milestones, I support them when need be and I honestly love them, but from a distance because, I'm scared of betrayal. It took me three months without an internet-supportive phone to realize this's.

Aside surviving without an internet-supportive phone, I retained some calories that refused to burn themselves. People that need to have their eyes checked think I am now fat but, I know I just added some baby fat

 and got thick mehn. Did you hear me haters? I said thick with capital letter T.

G

Currently laughing at intentionally blind people that do not see these curves.

I have always wanted to add some flesh. To the appropriate places of course. I checked online for the healthy ways to add some flesh and apetamin syrup came in strongly recommended from different sites. The only hitch with it as I learnt from people’s reviews is, although it increases your appetite and you  get to consume more food than you normally do, your appetite also dwindles when you stop taking it thereby making you lose your hard earned fat. 

I didn't fancy that so, I decided to gain weight by making sure not to skip any meal and during each mealtime, eat a larger portion than I would normally eat and as a matter of policy, never drink water minutes before eating or, while eating. Within few weeks, my hardwork paid off man.

Why so fine?

It felt nice to add some flesh quite alright but, nobody told me the fat doesn't just go to the bum and bust. It goes EVERYWHERE!!! From my cheek to my shoulders and chest too. The most annoying part was, my stomach decided to become overzealous. I mean my mum started to hover around me asking scary pregnancy related questions. 

I cover myself from every fertilizing agent

I strongly advise you include exercises to your journey of adding some weight. I recommend squats and lunges to enhance your curves and, sit ups to maintain a flat tummy because, your tummy can get really disrespectful and mock your weight gain journey.  If observed closely, one’s belly fat makes the rules of being fat or, thick. You would also need to eat healthy and not be like me who ate just anything that looks or, smell edible.

Nobody also told me my clothes don’t get to grow with me. 80% of my clothes aren't my size anymore. So right now, I'm thinking of opening a GoFundMe account for this because, this girl is broke to bits and pieces.

Around January, I was invited as a cohost on a a show or let’s say talk on natural hair on Green FM frequency 107.1 Although It was a short notice, I was happy that I was considered expert enough to lecture others on natural hair. If it were a seminar where I would stand before people, I might have declined tho because, my stage fright is indeed frightening. But, it was on air so, why the hell not?


It was my first time to ever be on air and the experience was beautiful especially for the fact that people somewhere were listening to my voice and learning from little me. What if I am destined to be an OAP? Because, from the way I handled it, I'm beginning to feel I was one in my former life.

Did I mention I sold my phone earlier on? I guess not. I sold it early December 2019 then, added money to get a new one but, the vendor probably decided it was wiser to use my money for detty December instead of sending the phone I paid for. So, this explains why I was offline for straight two months. 

One day, I received a call from my friend that my instagram account had been hacked. I was quite shocked because, that was the first time any of my social media account got hacked.

 But, I got over it as I had plans of re-branding my instagram account anyway and deleting most of my pictures and changing my username were part of the plan so, I didn't let it bother me much. 

Amebo continued

Not until I learnt that one could actually sell his/her instagram account at a rate of 30 naira per follower. I had a little above four hundred and fifty followers if I can remember correctly. I wanted to run mad when I did the maths. That sum of money would have helped me get new clothes and most importantly, feed me.

Aside, the fact that I failed some courses in my first semester and I would have to rewrite them before I can graduate and go serve my beloved country( I mean start earning my beloved thirty thousand for a year), I'm still very much into men although sometimes I wonder what being with a woman feels like. Hehehhhe.

I also wear waist beads now and the most painful part isn't that my mother has decided to call it ogbanje beads instead but because, they started to cut one after the other as I gained weight. Only one has stayed loyal. I’ll look out for beads with elastic threads when next I buy waist beads tho. 

Why do iPhones suck data so much please. I don’t think I need something that I’ll share my food money with so, I might as well sell it. Yeah! Not to get an  android tho but one with an updated iOS version. 

I failed some courses? Yeah! So, I decided to pay my school fees myself to save my parents the stress as the last school fees they paid was supposed to be the last school fees payment concerning my B.sc program. Three of my siblings are also in school so, there’s actually no need to add more burden.

I decided to run a little poultry which actually started to run me mad when the birds started to die for no apparent reason. I mean I feed you, give you warmth, clean your litter, vaccinate you, give you antibiotics, multivitamins and all that and that how you gon’ pay me? 

Almost every morning, I’ll find one that bailed on me and to make matters worse, rats decided that nothing tasted better than my expensive poultry feed so, believe me when I say I almost ran mad especially at the point when I got confused if I was rearing poultry birds or, rat with recombinant genes able to totally ignore my well garnished rat poison with fish head,meat and other food items normal rats will find appetizing. 

Imagine choosing bland chicken feed to meat and fish. Rats with low taste were attacking my peace of mind. My mum came to my rescue with the poultry as she’s an experienced poultry farmer. Just one medicine cured their madness. She also decided to merge my heart breaking birds with hers and take care of their feeding cost till they mature for sale. Aside that, she also said all my lost birds will be replaced from hers. Who programmed mothers to be so beautiful especially mine. Thank God for mothers most especially mine. 

Before I make a beautiful exit, I want to know if I'm the last to watch "lacasa de papel" (Money Heist) seems everyone has watched it. The producers of that movie are geniuses period. I love every character of that movie and cried really hard whenever anyone had to die especially my 'hard girl, hard girl but sweet inside' Nairobi. I know I'm such a crybaby but, this one is different. If you are also hopelessly in love with ‘The Professor’, I hope you can fight because, I don’t share my men.

I have a phone now so, you all will be hearing from me concerning my growth with actually being a good friend not just a ‘hello hi’ person, my progress with finishing this semester, and whatever news that pop up in your fave girl’s life. I love everyone that read my writings from the beginning to the end. I'm still doing this because of you. After commenting here and you don’t go follow me on my instagram @kinkynono you’re absolutely wrong.

Nono with the kinks 

And hey if you know any ‘I am desperate but, let’s not show it’ tip you can help me with to glam up my account and get followers, please share with me. I know that the number of followers one has doesn't matter but the content yen yen yen. You can create nice content and still have many followers right? OK let’s say I'm looking for a wider audience. Better? I want to do it right this time as I failed the instagram game with my last account. I mean, if I were someone else, I wouldn't even follow myself. That account I mean. I’ll always follow myself.

PEACE LOVE, LIGHT

Kinky Nono💌 

(Nono with the kinks[look up kinky if you think it’s just about hair<did you actually look it up?>])

Pardon this blunder above