For her Children's sake

'

Ah this one will now take the time that I don't have' Ada frowned as she traced the wound just beneath her eye. It hadn’t stopped hurting but, it wasn’t as bad as two days ago.

'Thank God this bastard...sorry thank God my darling husband didn't get my eyes this time around' she thought to herself. 

Her mother had adviced her never to insult him either openly or inside her heart no matter what he did because, what she thought of him affected the way she approaches him and ultimately, the way he treated her. The success of her marriage was indeed in her hands.  

She remembered gathering few of her personal items and fleeing her house with her children to her parent’s house after an episode with her husband Chidi. He had broken a tooth this time. 

"Ada he's only correcting you. He just made a mistake just like you did last month when you were flogging your son to correct him and in a bid to dodge the cane, he fell and broke his ankle. We all make mistakes. Every family has their own problems at their levels and they will pass at their own time.”

“As for cheating on you, don’t waste your sleep thinking about it because, men will always be men and it’s your duty to change them into the type of man you want. He is your first son for crying out loud. Do you know what I had to endure with your father?". 

As though sharing a secret, her mother leaned towards her speaking rapidly but in a hushed whisper “Don’t you know it is a shame if a woman leaves her husband’s house? Ka m gwa gi. there’s no room for you in this house if you decide to be disobedient. None of my friends have their married daughters living with them and I won’t be the first. You know your father won’t even agree”.

“Better hold your ears. You won’t bring shame to me because, I didn’t shame my mother. You can not run away from your matrimonial home because of a flimsy fight. You can rest here but, you can’t sleep in my own matrimonial home this night or any other night... Stop stressing my grandchildren with your drama”

Last time she reported him to the women leader in their church, she could remember the look on Mummy Glory’s face when she finished recounting her ordeals in the hands of Chidi. 

‘Did he throw your bags out?’ was the question she asked her.  She tried explaining that Chidi has never thrown her things away because, the house was bought by her but she was abruptly hushed. 

“Are you now rubbing shoulders with your husband? He is the head of the house whether you bought it or not. Stop trying to make him look like he can’t provide for you and his children”

“Are you not a strong woman?’ 

“So, every little misunderstanding you have with your husband you start spoiling his name?”

“Why don’t you stop that thing that is making him beat you? Check yourself well it could be that you deny him sex, you don’t submit properly, you talk back at him or, you don’t cook well”

“Don’t look down while I’m talking to you. Look me in the eye because this is a serious matter”

“Do you want Jezebels to fully take over your stead in your own husband’s heart?’

“Stop crying my dear. These tears you are shedding should be in prayers on your knees”

Mummy Glory just like a big sister, knelt with her and prayed fervently for the restoration of her home.

After the prayers, she felt anew. Mummy Glory wrote down some important bible verses and prayer point that would guide her in her prayers. 

By the time she left the women leader’s house , she felt energized and ready for the war she is in with the devil trying to break her home. She was certain she would come out victorious using just her knees and the prayer points, prayer declarations, fasting guidelines and anointed bible verses written on a neatly folded piece of paper stuck in between her bible as weapons. She is a virtuous woman and, virtuous women always win.

Maybe Chidi wasn’t aware of the war she was fighting with the devil on behalf of their marriage because, few days from that day, Chidi’s belt left painful welts on her thighs because according to him, She was as unresponsive as a dead horse during their love making which actually felt like rape to her. With each thrust, he called her demeaning names and accused her of spending all her moans and excitement under the bodies of other men. 

But then, can non-consensual sex between a married couple be classified as rape? She could remember lambasting people on social media who considered it as rape.  

That was actually when life was rosy. She was courting Chidi then and, he was nothing but the man of her dreams. She might have been able to detect his dark side but, she considered his idea of kissing her mouth shut in the middle of an argument and, strange obsession for BDSM as sexy masculinity. She knew better now right?.

Nope! Didn’t the bible says a wise woman builds her home while a foolish one destroys it? 

“Abeg I cannot be foolish and destroy it with all these thoughts instead of prayers” she hissed, muttered a short prayer and chose to think about her children instead of dwelling on the constant pangs of fear for her life and uncertainty of her future.

She started unpacking her make up items to start performing the magic she had to learn six years ago exactly two years after marriage in a bid to avoid stares and gossips whenever her angel of a husband 'corrected' her. 

She admired herself in the standing mirror. No human would ever imagine she had a wound on her face. Not even spirits too. Like several other times, she thought of becoming a makeup artist to help her become a bit financially independent. But if she knew her husband well enough, she knew it would attract either scorn or, his belt.

Her eyes wandered to the huge scar just above her knees and memories of how Chidi had burnt her with an electric iron because, she mistakenly burnt his favourite shirt while ironing it rushed back.

“Anyways, long garments to the rescue” she consoled herself brushing away the stray tear that esaped her eyes. She averted her thoughts back to her children to avoid breaking down and ruining her makeup. 

Her children were the major reason why she was still married to Chidi. 

"You wouldn't want to face the problems of training your children without a father o. People will talk. In fact, No man would want to marry you again instead of younger women with standing breasts because, you would be seen as second class. I didn’t raise you to be unwise" Her mother always warned. Drawing her ears for emphasis. 

Besides, where would she stay as she was so sure her father won't allow her back to his house not only because, it would be a disgrace to the family but, he had been against the marriage right from the onset. But, she was in love then...and now. She chided herself. 

Ada was on her way to the kitchen to dish breakfast she had made in the wee hours of the morning. She was thankful today was one of the days Chidi slept outside for days on stretch thereby,allowing her enjoy little peace of mind until his dreaded return.

Her children’s chattering from their room made her  heart glow with pride. She decided to check on them to see how far they had gone dressing in the clothes she had earlier chosen for them. 

She was about entering their room when she heard her son say something that stopped her in her tracks. Words that froze her hand on the door's handle. Something that covered her with chills from head to toe. 

She overcame the initial shock with the consolance that she heard wrong. She slowly opened the door catching the attention of her two children. Resting on the door's post, she asked him to repeat what he said last with the assurance that she actually heard wrong. She was ready to blame it on the suicidal voices in her head for which her friend had been suggesting a psychotherapist but, she always declined the offer because she considered therapy as a waste of money and time beside, she was a true African and, Africans never suffer from  depression which is a sickness for white people.

 “Mummy I was telling Grace that, when I become like Daddy, I'll beat my wife if she looks for my trouble". He was full of happy smiles. The same smile he had on whenever he was told to clap for himself after reciting letters of the alphabet correctly. The same smile he had on whenever he was commended for buttoning his shirt correctly, for finishing his food, for  wearing his shoes without mismatching them. This was the kind of smile her four year old son had.

Ada's lips began to tremble as her heart broke into pieces. Without bothering to fight the free flowing tears, she stammered "But why?". A question she was actually asking herself as she wondered where she had gotten it wrong. But she was audible enough. "Because, I don't take nonsense" he replied beating his chest with so much vigor. In the same manner Chidi did each time he got annoyed and  was ready to physically abuse her. This time, her shaky knees gave way. 

Using the door as a form of support, she sat and hugged her knees as this new awakening and realization hit her. 

She cried ignoring the 'Mummy why are you crying?' questions from her two lovely children trying to wipe her tears. They eventually started crying just because, she was. Hugging them tightly,she sat in that position for hours and set free all the bottled up emotions. 

For all the times she took his belt and still stood strong for her family, she wept. 

For her dreams she was forced to forgo because of his insecurities, she wept. 

For every single scar she had on her body from Chidi, she wept. 

For all the good friends who were ever ready to fight for her but, she lost because she ran out of excuses to justify his actions and started keeping them at arm's length to 'save' her marriage, she wept. 

For allowing him mess with her sanity, she wept. 

For every smile she gave whenever she was painting her marriage as perfect to strangers making them wish they were in her shoes, she wept. 

For every demeaning word he had said to her which she unconsciously started to believe, she wept. 

For her lost self esteem, she wept. 

With apparently no tear left in her tear ducts, she was exhausted. 

But, in her heart was a new strength backed with a strong resolve. As she looked at her now asleep children, she knew she had to leave in time for the sake of her children.

And, that time is NOW. She also knew that, come what may, they'll survive.

“Ah this one will now take the time that I don't have' Ada frowned as she traced the wound just beneath her eye. It hadn’t stopped hurting but, it wasn’t as bad as two days ago.

'Thank God this bastard...sorry thank God my darling husband didn't get my eyes this time around' she thought to herself. 

Her mother had adviced her never to insult him either openly or inside her heart no matter what he did because, what she thought of him affected the way she approaches him and ultimately, the way he treated her. The success of her marriage was indeed in her hands.  

She remembered gathering few of her personal items and fleeing her house with her children to her parent’s house after an episode with her husband Chidi. He had broken a tooth this time. 

"Ada he's only correcting you. He just made a mistake just like you did last month when you were flogging your son to correct him and in a bid to dodge the cane, he fell and broke his ankle. We all make mistakes. Every family has their own problems at their levels and they will pass at their own time.”

“As for cheating on you, don’t waste your sleep thinking about it because, men will always be men and it’s your duty to change them into the type of man you want. He is your first son for crying out loud. Do you know what I had to endure with your father?". 

As though sharing a secret, her mother leaned towards her speaking rapidly but in a hushed whisper “Don’t you know it is a shame if a woman leaves her husband’s house? Ka m gwa gi. there’s no room for you in this house if you decide to be disobedient. None of my friends have their married daughters living with them and I won’t be the first. You know your father won’t even agree”.

“Better hold your ears. You won’t bring shame to me because, I didn’t shame my mother. You can not run away from your matrimonial home because of a flimsy fight. You can rest here but, you can’t sleep in my own matrimonial home this night or any other night... Stop stressing my grandchildren with your drama”

Last time she reported him to the women leader in their church, she could remember the look on Mummy Glory’s face when she finished recounting her ordeals in the hands of Chidi. 

‘Did he throw your bags out?’ was the question she asked her.  She tried explaining that Chidi has never thrown her things away because, the house was bought by her but she was abruptly hushed. 

“Are you now rubbing shoulders with your husband? He is the head of the house whether you bought it or not. Stop trying to make him look like he can’t provide for you and his children”

“Are you not a strong woman?’ 

“So, every little misunderstanding you have with your husband you start spoiling his name?”

“Why don’t you stop that thing that is making him beat you? Check yourself well it could be that you deny him sex, you don’t submit properly, you talk back at him or, you don’t cook well”

“Don’t look down while I’m talking to you. Look me in the eye because this is a serious matter”

“Do you want Jezebels to fully take over your stead in your own husband’s heart?’

“Stop crying my dear. These tears you are shedding should be in prayers on your knees”

Mummy Glory just like a big sister, knelt with her and prayed fervently for the restoration of her home.

After the prayers, she felt anew. Mummy Glory wrote down some important bible verses and prayer point that would guide her in her prayers. 

By the time she left the women leader’s house , she felt energized and ready for the war she is in with the devil trying to break her home. She was certain she would come out victorious using just her knees and the prayer points, prayer declarations, fasting guidelines and anointed bible verses written on a neatly folded piece of paper stuck in between her bible as weapons. She is a virtuous woman and, virtuous women always win.

Maybe Chidi wasn’t aware of the war she was fighting with the devil on behalf of their marriage because, few days from that day, Chidi’s belt left painful welts on her thighs because according to him, She was as unresponsive as a dead horse during their love making which actually felt like rape to her. With each thrust, he called her demeaning names and accused her of spending all her moans and excitement under the bodies of other men. 

But then, can non-consensual sex between a married couple be classified as rape? She could remember lambasting people on social media who considered it as rape.  

That was actually when life was rosy. She was courting Chidi then and, he was nothing but the man of her dreams. She might have been able to detect his dark side but, she considered his idea of kissing her mouth shut in the middle of an argument and, strange obsession for BDSM as sexy masculinity. She knew better now right?.

Nope! Didn’t the bible says a wise woman builds her home while a foolish one destroys it? 

“Abeg I cannot be foolish and destroy it with all these thoughts instead of prayers” she hissed, muttered a short prayer and chose to think about her children instead of dwelling on the constant pangs of fear for her life and uncertainty of her future.

She started unpacking her make up items to start performing the magic she had to learn six years ago exactly two years after marriage in a bid to avoid stares and gossips whenever her angel of a husband 'corrected' her. 

She admired herself in the standing mirror. No human would ever imagine she had a wound on her face. Not even spirits too. Like several other times, she thought of becoming a makeup artist to help her become a bit financially independent. But if she knew her husband well enough, she knew it would attract either scorn or, his belt.

Her eyes wandered to the huge scar just above her knees and memories of how Chidi had burnt her with an electric iron because, she mistakenly burnt his favourite shirt while ironing it rushed back.

“Anyways, long garments to the rescue” she consoled herself brushing away the stray tear that esaped her eyes. She averted her thoughts back to her children to avoid breaking down and ruining her makeup. 

Her children were the major reason why she was still married to Chidi. 

"You wouldn't want to face the problems of training your children without a father o. People will talk. In fact, No man would want to marry you again instead of younger women with standing breasts because, you would be seen as second class. I didn’t raise you to be unwise" Her mother always warned. Drawing her ears for emphasis. 

Besides, where would she stay as she was so sure her father won't allow her back to his house not only because, it would be a disgrace to the family but, he had been against the marriage right from the onset. But, she was in love then...and now. She chided herself. 

Ada was on her way to the kitchen to dish breakfast she had made in the wee hours of the morning. She was thankful today was one of the days Chidi slept outside for days on stretch thereby,allowing her enjoy little peace of mind until his dreaded return.

Her children’s chattering from their room made her  heart glow with pride. She decided to check on them to see how far they had gone dressing in the clothes she had earlier chosen for them. 

She was about entering their room when she heard her son say something that stopped her in her tracks. Words that froze her hand on the door's handle. Something that covered her with chills from head to toe. 

She overcame the initial shock with the consolance that she heard wrong. She slowly opened the door catching the attention of her two children. Resting on the door's post, she asked him to repeat what he said last with the assurance that she actually heard wrong. She was ready to blame it on the suicidal voices in her head for which her friend had been suggesting a psychotherapist but, she always declined the offer because she considered therapy as a waste of money and time beside, she was a true African and, Africans never suffer from  depression which is a sickness for white people.

 “Mummy I was telling Grace that, when I become like Daddy, I'll beat my wife if she looks for my trouble". He was full of happy smiles. The same smile he had on whenever he was told to clap for himself after reciting letters of the alphabet correctly. The same smile he had on whenever he was commended for buttoning his shirt correctly, for finishing his food, for  wearing his shoes without mismatching them. This was the kind of smile her four year old son had.

Ada's lips began to tremble as her heart broke into pieces. Without bothering to fight the free flowing tears, she stammered "But why?". A question she was actually asking herself as she wondered where she had gotten it wrong. But she was audible enough. "Because, I don't take nonsense" he replied beating his chest with so much vigor. In the same manner Chidi did each time he got annoyed and  was ready to physically abuse her. This time, her shaky knees gave way. 

Using the door as a form of support, she sat and hugged her knees as this new awakening and realization hit her. 

She cried ignoring the 'Mummy why are you crying?' questions from her two lovely children trying to wipe her tears. They eventually started crying just because, she was. Hugging them tightly,she sat in that position for hours and set free all the bottled up emotions. 

For all the times she took his belt and still stood strong for her family, she wept. 

For her dreams she was forced to forgo because of his insecurities, she wept. 

For every single scar she had on her body from Chidi, she wept. 

For all the good friends who were ever ready to fight for her but, she lost because she ran out of excuses to justify his actions and started keeping them at arm's length to 'save' her marriage, she wept. 

For allowing him mess with her sanity, she wept. 

For every smile she gave whenever she was painting her marriage as perfect to strangers making them wish they were in her shoes, she wept. 

For every demeaning word he had said to her which she unconsciously started to believe, she wept. 

For her lost self esteem, she wept. 

With apparently no tear left in her tear ducts, she was exhausted. 

But, in her heart was a new strength backed with a strong resolve. As she looked at her now asleep children, she knew she had to leave in time for the sake of her children.

And, that time is NOW. She also knew that, come what may, they'll survive.