Society Judges

I' m still trying to get a hang on editing pictures. Forgive this one.

Goodevening people.
How are you feeling today?
Trust me I have not been feeling myself lately. I feel uhm lemme say caught up. Not the caught up in love feeling but, the caught up in school stuff feeling. I'm really stressing. Emotional stress is really draining trust me. I'm not here to get started on how I got and registered a seminar topic with no materials whatsoever online. Like NOTHING really tangible. Now, my supervisor has refused to approve another one because, she doesn't want me to do something easy (comman cry with me please) I'm so sure we're gonna be rushed this semester all thanks to ASUU and FG. Quick advice; Never register a topic from a WhatsApp group without checking if it has research materials. 
Although I'm tempted to vent on how I'm desperately trying to get a library card and, complete my medicals because it's a matter of now or, never. Reason is after my final year, I'll be surcharged. And, you don't want to hear the amount people. It might be chicken change to some people but, boy that amount is the price of two cows and an elephant to me right now. I would have passed this procedure long ago but, the 'come today, return tomorrow' syndrome in the Nigerian system won't let me be great. This should have been done in my First year but then, procrastination and I are best of friends. The very best.

Buhari has won the presidential election. I know this is stale news but, it's still news. We're just in God's hands. I'll say no further.

I'm actually here to rant but, not about school tho (like I haven't just done that) but, about Judges. I mean self appointed judges. Lemme say conclusionists of the first order, Self righteous over sabis, oshisko Plcs (just like mummy Tiwalade would say in Skinny Girl in Transit).
Now that the series is over what can I do with my life now Ndanitv people. No tell me. Because, the movie was my solace in times of loneliness. The only seasonal movie I have ever anticipated on. Trust me it is worth it. Very funny, educative and Real. No nollywood yeyeism (my new word. Lit right?...lol)

You'll thank me later

Often times, people judge others on their appearance. I won't lie, I have caught myself doing same a couple of times in my head in the past. But, I don't fail to reprimand myself. Only asking myself "Nono did God create you better thsn him/her" will bring me back to my senses.

 Many people judge without fear to the faces of their victims. And trust me I've been a victim many times.

Society doesn't help matters too. Sadly,both judges and victims are mostly women.
Like there is this popular belief or, opinion that women who wear anklets are prostitutes. There was a time I bought one because, I really like them. I wore it out against my friend's advice. 

"Ahn ahn, shebi it's my leg, it's my money that I used to buy it na" that was my mindset until I started receiving silly stares. If I passed a thousand people that day, about 900 of them looked at me twice or thrice. Some even had the audacity to stare sef and, not because of my beautiful face but, because of a tiny chain on my ankle with which they are already drawing a conlusion about my life.I mean I don't gerrit. 

I just had to go to a bank,entered the female's toilet and moved the anklet to my wrist abeg. From that day any lady I see with an anklet, I commend her for her strength to bear judging eyes(in my mind ofcourse).

I for one isn't really one into normal or let's say simple hairstyles. I don't just know why I find them boring. I'm always experimenting with colours, lengths and all not so regular hairstyles and, they happen to attract stares. Some in admiration, while most are obviously judging.
I once made a big afro hairstyle. Your girl had just gotten admission so, she was free to make any hairstyle she wanted. And, I was surely going to make up for all the times I wore skincut and endured jests till I got used to it and followed my mates to laugh at myself too instead of wearing a beret(which they always pull of anyway) till little tufts of hair start growing. So, I went for that hair. I mean, I had been dreaming of making that hair since I saw it in one magazine. I had even imagined it on myself and all. My happiness was complete when I looked at a mirror and saw the hairdresser had given me what I asked for. My wait had not been in vain. A bike dropped me off my house and, my mum was praising me and all until one of my aunts who was sitting with her started to pour loads of sand in my garri. She started with " Nono your hair is fine o but..."
At the mention of that but, I just knew I was in for some schooling. Just like when a Nigerian starts addressing you with "with all due respect " and you know deep down you're about to be really disrespected. She went on about the hairstyle creating a wrong impression of me. On how university boys will start pursuing me upandan, how I'll come back with a child or, even lose my life because I rejected the advances of cultists that my hair attracted. On how my lecturers will fail me because, my hair states I wasn't in the university to study but, to chase men. She managed to scare my mum. Ofcourse, my mum didn't want her first daughter to be a victim of cultist so first thing in the morning the next day, I was already infront of the woman's locked shop waiting for her to come and reduce my afro. When she eventually remade the hair, trust me I was looking like someone they stuck a few black chicken feathers on her scalp. I almost cried but my hopes were brought up when I came home and my mum started hyping the hair because,she doesn't just think but, know it'll bring me husband and not cultists. She began to call me 'nwa oma and an african princess. I tied my hair to church the next day not to hide it but because I'm an Anglican and if you don't want to be cursed and pursued by the old women in the church, your hair should be covered with atleast a handkerchief. On Monday, I went to school and when people started staring at my hair in a horrified way, I knew I looked nothing close to an African princess.

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Last two months I made this hairstyle just because, I liked the length. So many eyes followed me especially when I don't pack it. I received a full blown preaching on immorality and immodesty from one woman. But because she happened to an admin officer in my school and I really needed her help, I pretended to listen like a good girl (that I am). Making sure to nod respectfully when needed. This woman has my matriculation number and other vital information about me and, I am not ready to have my great grand children in school just because of shakara. Mbanu!!

Well, I won't lie this hair did me some good. One man that has been on your fine sister's neck disturbing her life with a marriage proposal I don't want. The man is goodlooking don't get me wrong but, he has a leaky mouth and old for my age. I mostly see him stand under an African salad(ugba) tree gisting with the women that sell snacks there whenever I'm on my way to school. Making me wonder if he's actually employrd but jobless or, the management doesn't see him to query him. I've only seen him sit in an office he claims to be his a few times. My parents work in the same Research institute with him so, I unfortunately see him either when I go to see them or, I follow the little gate that separates abi connects the research to my school. He always has a habit of trying to get my attention when I walkby by whistling or saying "siiiiiiiii..heyiiis" like those touts at isi gate. Instead of actually calling my name. Trust me not to turn to indulge him anytime he starts to "siiiii" me.

 Once he asked why he's always the one making the phone calls (like he's not getting the I no want I've been saying). I told oga I didn't have airtime and he said "I would have sent you airtime but, I don't invest in a pocket of holes". Chai me pocket of holes. I am not a rude child so, he wasn't replied.

It was on the same day I got enough preaching from that woman. I came back to the institute because, there's a place one could get a bike to my village where I stay. I was furious because after all the preachings for close to 45 minutes, the woman couldn't help me with what I wanted. I almost died when she said I should check back next week. So after trekking under this hot sun to come here, I'll have to repeat it? Aunty ayam tired na why didn't you tell me before your preaching? Did they send you to punish me?

You all know I'm not ready to sit in the same class with my grandchild taking lectures so, all those were said in my head while on my face was the most cheerful smile I can come up with as I said "thank you ma".

It was in this state that Oga met me and the first thing he could say was, "This your hair that looks like mammy water own. Is that the hair you'll be making when I marry you?" for those that don't know, mammy water means a mermaid. A fictitious female believed to be very fair and beautiful with long hair, a woman's head and upper body and a tail of a fish. She's believed to always seduce and destroy men who fall for her beauty and, she's believed to live in water bodies. 

I had so many things to say back to him but, I didn't want to get slapped so, I smiled and walked out on him. It was when I got to my house that I bared my mind in his Facebook inbox.  I said everything I had been dying to say and, home training couldn't stop me. And I'm so glad that now, whenever we see each other, we act like strangers although I've been doing that just that he wasn't getting the memo. 

I was gisting with one of my former friends who happened to be my distant neighbour. lol I mean, he lives in my neighbourhood. Former because, we just stopped talking at some point. I'll call him A. We were gisting about school, how NYSC has decided to frustrate his life and other random stuffs when another girl who lives around too greeted us and passed. He kept staring at her until I pushed his shoulder.

"Haba A. You too like women"

" Me ke Tufiakwa I don't even like that prostitute"

"Prostitute ke you've started talking more than your mouth"

"Upon say she don born. She still dey commot dey dress fine. Na her waka waka bring am belle. She no go rest accept say na second hand"

I was amazed. I didn't try to push it because I too had such mentality while growing up just because, that's how society view young unmarried mothers until I grew sense. 

It's very easy to view these people as promiscuous without even considering if the lady was raped or a victim of circumstance. People just judge and suddenly have an opinion about her most especially if she's not allowing the situation hold her down.

You see a young unmarried lady making good money and taking care of herself and you assume a man is behind her success. Let her just buy a car or worse still build a house or get assets in her name then, she's considered proud and people assume she can't be a wife. So many people that don't even know her are already labelling her a lady of the night just because, their shallow minds know a lady that young can't just be making cool money without opening her legs.

A female is skimpily dressed and, instead of people to call her aside to correct her and risk getting slapped or insulted or better still mind their business, they conclude she's a sex worker and you hear some  say "She'll soon get what she's looking for". Wait! What did she tell you she is looking for? What is wrong with you dear busy body? Don't you think you're subtly encouraging rape? What will happen if you just look away and MIND YOUR BUSINESS. 

A man is unfortunate enough to marry a troublesome wife and he doesn't batter her, he's judged as a weak man. 

A man has a wayward child(ren), then he's seen as incapable to control his family and therefore is denied some public offices in the society. 

A woman gets unfortunate to marry a wife beater and she divorces him for her dear life then, it's assumed she didn't pray enough for him or the marriage to work. 

I know that no matter what you do, people tend to talk about you. They  judge you without any solid reason or, even right. They conclude about you without knowing the background story. (Not like they're entitled to know).This is why I'm writing this both to myself and to you reading this. Don't let "what would people say" limit or cage you. JUST DO YOU. Whatever they say is clearly not your business. Don't start explaining yourself unnecessarily either to attract pity or validation from others.  And while doing this, Don't also be a judge over other people.

Thanks for reading this far. Make sure to stick around till next time Ndi oma.

I love you. 

Have you been judged over something, it could be your attire, reaction or whatever.
Have you ever played a Judge on someone?
Are you still a nosy Judge?
I'll like to know
#SocietyJudges
#Q